Giving In, Over and Over Again

           *I love you*
Do you even know what that word means?
           *Do you?*
I know it isn't what we're doing here
           *If this isn't love, then what is it?*
Tragic 
           *What's tragic is the way you won't allow yourself to feel*
At least I CAN feel. Can you?
           *I can feel your heart beat against mine*
You don't have a heart
           *Just because it's broken doesn't mean it's not there*
Stop
           *Stop what?*
Trying to fix this. Trying to fix me
            *Fine, but if you want to stay broken, then why can't we stay broken together?*
You don't want me
             *I've never wanted anything more* 
You're not good at lying
             *Or maybe I'm just bad at telling the truth*
Please, stop
            *I can't and I wouldn't if I could*
Why are you doing this?
            *Because I'm no good for you and you're no good for me, and that's what's so fucking perfect*
That makes absolutely no sense
            *Nothing does*
I beg to differ
           *You always do* 
What are we even doing here?
           *Why does it matter as long as we're happy?*
Who said I was happy?
           *The smile in your eyes*
You're impossible
           *No, I'm right*
Maybe
           *I'm not asking you to take down your walls. That would make me a hypocrite, and I may be many unsavory things, but that is not one of them. All I'm asking from you is a window, or a crack. Please*
I'm just scared
           *I promise you, I won't hurt you. Again, I wouldn't do it even if I could*
There have been a lot other people who made the same promise to me and in the same breath they broke it
           *I know! Dammit, don't you get that I've BEEN there? That I'm there now, I'm there every day? But I can't look at you anymore and pretend that I don't care, pretend that you don't make me want to throw my life away all over again. You make me feel like if I give myself to you, for once I'll be giving myself to someone who won't rip me to shreds but will stitch together all the holes  the others left, and even if you don't it will be worth it just to FEEL you, bloody and broken as me. I can't go on anymore the way I have been, and I don't think you can either*
No. I can't. Just...don't hurt me.